Hash Trash #1161
The Hare was ZZ Bottom III. The man has guts. Brought his father of all people, Just James, to his Hash. At one point in dense shiggy Just James said to me there was No Way that his son set a trail through this …uh… shiggy, though he used a different word. Ah Dad, but he did. Yes he did. He did the dirty deed. Just James your son has Come Out. Doesn’t just participate in the unholy activities, no he even leads them. Save Us Beezus. James probably learned a few other surprising facts about his son as well im guessing. like man he picks a strange group to hang out with.
the mob grew slowly at the start probably because the trail was in WaySouth BumF#ck…. PonyBoy arrived with 3-Trick Pony’s alter ego, Double D Ass, both feeling the effects of too much training and not enough slacking in their exercise. we did our best to help. we sent Fossil over to show how its done. You simply cant be too intense about your workout if you have clip on visor shades…. Stalwart Hash Cash Duo EZ Lipps and Saintly Suds finally showed up took our perfectly good money….
Just Rob joined us and brought along the shy and unassuming wallflower Pump and Dump who was distressed to find No Dumping signs along trail… she got the memo about shiggy and covered her legs from getting scratched and torn… thankfully the shiggy is only waist high, not neck high… Swiftie baltimoron General Ass Pounder made it two in a row at the BAH3….. he splained that in Boston their idea of shiggy is the weeds in the sidewalk… like for some of our brethren and sisteren at those Brand X Hashes inside the Beltway.. let them see the True Trail oh Beezus….. Just John returned…. has figured out how to hash and take care of his kids…. you can lock them in the car on a cool day…. humor warning: not really. … 85 lb bundle of cuteness Fire in the Hole joined us again; she has to go back to florida soon so get a hug while you can, or just fold her into some fun shape to play with she is so adorable and tiny. she also provided an extra verse to some hash standard we sing; i don’t remember it except that it also was cute and adorable. speaking of cute and adorable, our own Barf Bag joined us, but holding forth mostly in complete non-pun english the entire afternoon. i wonder if he’s feeling ok. Passed me a lot on trail but thats not saying much.
Our Fervent Religious Advisor Bobbin 4 Buttplugs showed up just about last, in a new car, quite ho-hum compared to the skull encrusted and dented black buttplug Impala which he said is going to someone on craiglist who offered to trade livestock and unspecified “services” for it…….. The Hare gave us the chalktalk, starting like most do, in the middle, and explained all about checks. yes its sad that as Hares, we can’t even explain what we just did…. but thats why we’re here, help us oh Beezus…. Virgin Hahser Just James was not confused enough so Bobbin helped. … meanwhile Electric Muff Chuckler boldly announced he was a total nerd by pointing out the 3 parallel lines of the false trail mark, if looked at orthogonally, could be interpreted as “if and only if” in a math or logic problem….
So off we went. in hilly pavement omg thence to the woods… and a high log crossing over a ditch…. the Hare is a showoff…. some trail and not trail…. after the first beer check we head into the power line right of way, one single piece of toilet paper marking trail forever. no idea how we found trail. … however the clever Hare provided shots and beers and each stop, and after the first episode we liked it so much we beat him to the next beer check and then waited, unfortunately it was located next to the house of a nice man who was trying to sell it. when we showed up the curb appeal definitely went down, as the ever so smooth Spew Tube, Eternal Provider of Government Issue Chalk, cackled at him trying to win him over and get him not to baricade himself in and call the cops. Spew tube, holding three different kid’s balls he might possibly have taken from peoples backyards, and a bunch of ratty looking hashers (well ok except for our tasty women they always be lookin good) wandering in front of his house banging our pitchforks and demanding beer. The Hare showed and we beerchecked there for a good while.
Some more pavement and woods followed and lickety split we are back. The perfectly precise Sex Apnea draws beer as Beer Bitch, each cup holding exactly the amount to the little line he is measuring to. He must be in the military.
Bobbin welcums our Virgin, and calls forth The Hare to be cleansed. Our congregation spontaneously sings in praise of him
Who’s this different looking guy? Its ZZB3;
Legend says his tool is the size of a small tree.
Well im warning you ladies who’d take him on a date
looking for the big one. You’ll have to wait
if you try to ride him like a bicycle, his ass down on the floor.
Cuz if you f*ck him on his back ZZB3 will snore.
Now ring the church bells throughout the land and let it be officially noted: Mayoral Fixation hath twice now followed the actual trail, instead of Zen bushwhacking his way from start to finish, armed with his yahoo maps and intimate knowldege of the backwoods environs of BAH3. thus he had an epiphany he thought he’d pass on to those of you who are unenlightened: there are flour markings the entire length of the trail and one can simply follow them. you can all throw your maps away now. The long time no see’er MF gave his excuse for not hashing recently as having started a bike tour company in annapolis. but not like those boring center of town outfits that shepherd you to all the typical tourist spots. No, you start in the “crazy bad section of town” and then go to all the unpopular places. …LTNS Scooby Do Me dropped in from Alaska where she spends a good amount of time on fishing boats offshore…. twas good to have another Do Me alongside, sometimes it gets so lonely…. Cervix was violated for choosing to hash instead of laying with his woman…. she had earlier said they weren’t going to do anything but, um… “lay” all weekend….. but i applaud the man’s priorities. i mean what if sundays end. need to hash while you can. .. Slowman offered tix to a show starring an aging rocker but no one wanted to sit with him…. he offered to sweeten the deal by not going, but then we found out it was Running Bhare in his place…. Sweet Hosehead was violated for bringing two flashlights to a daylight hash but i didn’t notice anyone complaining… how do you keep your hands off those things..?… Bimbohasher Just Christy got her outline chalked onto the pavement by some wanker or another… couldn’t make enough time for trail but could make enough time for circle….. man her life must be messed up…. but thats’ why we’re here….. Help Us Beezus… the congregation dispersed, some to the On After for more cleansing…. and another perfectly good Sunday. Wasted. Hashing.
Well we’ll see you at BAH3 1162.
On On
Any Cock’ll Do Me