Hash Trash #1134 : The Aftermath
Total Dumb Luck brought us to the beginning of this disaster, or maybe just Total Dumb.
We arrived at the Hash and eyed Stuffed in My Box’s legs for a good loong time, but only in the interest of science, to see what sort of shiggy we would be getting into, not for lust reasons. … although now that you remind me have we noted the hotness of her mom? the latter would be my summary from the trail two weeks ago. i want that in print. Also she broke up a beer bottle melee. SuperMILF. But i digress.
So anyway the Leg Evidence on the Hare(iette) was positive; minor scratches, few ragged tears. Co-Hare Waiting for Cumcast just looked a little dusty. Drifty. probably can’t hold down a steady job, or concentrate. typical hasher. other virgin Co Hare Urine My Bed nowhere to be found., till later, swilling beer at the On After. Our Dilapidated Duo Hash Cash Ez Lipps and Saintly Suds finally showed up and relieved Stuffed in money collection. This was to be a stroll in ze park for them as they laid trail in these parts not too very long ago….
Fossil or someone prodded us into action. It was a tiny and forlorn crowd at 3pm, all of us looking at our shoes, scratching our toes in the dirt, mumbling, when the late lame and large began to pour in. Stranger from the past Extra Creamy Dog Crap lumbered in piloting that huge van of his containing every known man amusement device going: bikes, unicycles, kayaks, plastic love dolls…. poor bastard discovered he cant eat wheat which means no beer…. yes lets have just a moment of silence… loser…. Womanhoods Spokesperson Amazon arrived with Just Rob… Scott… Mike…sorry she changes them up so often… sporting a new Evil Mandrake. NO, HE had the evil mandrake, not her. Cervix… Velvet…… Our fervent Religious Advisor also unawhere of the pressing need to arrive promptly at 3pm, roared in late with music blaring from the battered Black Buttplug impala, now with an entire found-on- trail deer skull affixed with glue to the hood of this World’s Sexiest Car.
He circled us up around the ever present big box of Government Issue Chalk….. WHO keeps bringing that? we love you by the way because that is a pretty nice bonus, and apparently you are a chalk mafia king, and it fell off the truck. WHY do you have this stuff, week after week? Harriettes take note: Good Provider. He can get stuff. Well only chalk for now, but he could be a fixer upper…
Mayorall Fixation and the lovely Cumrade Pissonya joined us. Now, before the trail even started, MF has a different route he’s going to try. Dude has never, ever followed a trail. Brandished a google map he printed out of an area nearby, not the actual area where we were, but whatever. Perhaps he didnt notice the area is home to the NSA, Ft Meade, other Spy places, and more importantly, their moronic self important security guards. Later, puffing his pipe he confidently explained to the gun toting men taking them into custody that he was authorized to be there and “would be forced to report this incident to the Mayor of Annapolis.” puff. puff. puff. too bad we weren’t in Annapolis, which the guards had never heard of anyway. …Unconvinced, the PO finally released them on their own recognizance when Cumrade agreed to say dirty things to them in that hot russky accent of hers.
Looong Time No seer Mother Chalker returned from Indonesia, bringing along his bag of purple accessories, then later chalking the trail and yelling ON ON in that inimitable chicken sqwawk of his….. scaring a mom and her daughter and then refusing to just leave them alone… welcum back brother. Fellow pedophile No Child Left Behind strolled in, eventually leaving with the distinction of Front Running Bastard FRB and relieving Bobbin of his favorite Hashing Accessory, the FRB bag now filled with whatever and festooned with bright billowy crap… .BarfBag showed up to make a string of admirably terrible puns as only he (fortunately) can do……
everybodys favorite human popsicle Just Cristy joined us, this mere shish kabob of a woman, and announced she was “still oozing from last night,” inviting those nearby to lick her. Tell me that girl doesn’t have interesting conversational skills. She was in high spirits because her brand new multi speed, hi torque, waterpoof girl tool was at home taking a charge and well its a pretty sad day for the BAH3 when she is already looking at that as the highlight to look forward to when she arrives…. well unless she brings it with her next time… also joining was Daddy’s Little Fucktard, with a name everybody asks her to repeat in disbelief, (“Daddy’s …Little… WHA….?”) and which Just Cristy thinks is pretty fabulous, for your reference when someone does name her… Pro Boner implored us to fill in his withering winter Hare Line, so people: SIGN UP TO HARE. THESE GOOBS DID AND THEY DIDN’T MANAGE TO DORK IT UP SO NEITHER WILL YOU AND IT IS A BUNCH OF FUN. obtw.
BAH3’s Most Unusual Hasher ZZ Bottom cruised by.. wants to know if he looks like a fucking people person…. think we should ask the harriettes, who seem to think he could fuck some people just fine… also joining was just kevin or someone with a wifebeater and head bandana and a story about being irish or something…. pale white boy so his story might check out….. refused to take his bandana off …because you know that hole in the top of your head you have as a baby? his has never ever healed on him, and someone might accidentally stub their cigarette out in it, which would burn a hole in his brain. or so he said. He talked in passionate detail about that nutsack thing you wear with your kilt. The Purse, i think he called it, for you kilt wearing dufuses. kidding of course i love them. just not on me. Anyway i think he was a denizen of that on after location and has definitely hashed with us a bit, but his name escapes me because whoever takes the notes around here sucks ass…
Hosehead joined us and let me grope her flat belly but no second base. or is tit first base? Obviously need to brush up on my Game. Mudflaps promised to send to Amazon hot and titillating photos she had of the now infamous Halloween Hedonism Extravaganza at her house featuring oiled up and naked harriettes gyrating to a pulsing disco beat, Just Cristy’s former vibrator buzzing in the background. well thats what i heard.
A couple of nice virgins brought by DLF also joined us and i was going to give them some tips about the trail but they along with everyone else finished in front of me, which made my bellowing ON ON rather unecessary probly.
The run was 50 50 pavement shiggy. beer check. yum. shot check. yum.
So we circled up and it was nice. people drank and our generous hosts made food and got more beer after they ran out. (note: someone put that in their permanent record.) Things occurred. One thing led to another, and then it was over. In other words, another great trail. Your comments about my omissions are welcome and sorry about whoever i forgot to mention or offended. of course im serious.
ON ON to 1135.
Any Cock’ll do Me