Hash Trash #1124 – A Very Public Apology
In keeping with the current fashion of doing something terrible that you fully meant to do and then apologizing for it publicy and loudly over and over again in order to feed your need for attention, I would like to apologize. First of all, for setting a trail that scratched peoples legs on Sunday. Especially to Amazon, who took all the trouble to auto hash after boldly inviting people to go roller blading instead, then spent probably 14 minutes on trail and looked like she got whipped in Singapore for spitting. This is because she decided to follow Shiggy Zen Master Mayorall Fixation. Unsuspecting Wankers Be Forewarned: Dude has never ever followed an actual trail.
Schmeg also autohashed, and didn’t run trail OR stick around for circle. Now thats… dedication…? He said he was stopping by just to drop off "trail detritus" from last week, begging off because of a party where they invite teenager girls and serve them Boone’s Farm Apple Wine in hopes an orgy ensues before their moms pick them up. The trail detritus he brought included Bobbins shoes, which Schmeg had apparently WASHED. Now that is a little disturbing. I compare to my own shoes which i removed right after setting trail, and when I looked inside there were ants running around with pieces of food. OK so I am publicly apologizing to Schmeg, because jokes become rumors and rumors become truth in the minds of people and Schmeg actually is always looking to help like putting the keg tap together at the campout, and cleaning up after people, washing people’s shoes, and sticking lit things in his ass to amuse us. So he’s not really like I portrayed him. Or is he.
Amelia Airhead, named for crashing at the nearby Freeway airport and whose photo is still on the office wall with a notice not to rent any airplanes to her, showed for the trail, and then lamented i didnt warn her the trail was off pavement….fellow Freeway pilot Slowman also graced us with his loud goofy laugh…. Also joining us for some thigh slashing was Walter who after charging though the shiggy christened the found- on- trail Beer Bitch Table by sitting her hot, wet ass on it, the moist sheen left behind glinting in the sun… dazzling our eys… sex vapors drifting into the sun…taunting us… here i am, but only for a moment…… and then…. ok where was I… speedster Stuffed in My Tight Black Lycra Catsuit joined the Mob appropriately attired for the underbrush, along with the chivalrous Bunker Beater, dirty wimmens using him as a bridge over the mud ditch shiggy…. former long time no seer Walk My Bitch, back now for two weeks in a row… Recruited to be beer bitch, he proved to be a miserable failure and Walter had to save him time after time… Cervix came by without Hash Haberdasher Velvet, not realizing we only put up with him because of her… and he didn’t bring any Hash Hab, like vessels, to anticipate that the Hare would be stupid enough to forget cups. Way to think ahead, Teammate. oh but thanks for Haring this next week, saving the rest of you losers who don’t Hare…
Some newcummers and visitors…Just … Travis?…. that guy who promised us for 6 weeks in a row on the discussion group to show up, finally actually did show up…. he confessed he’s done this "promising" thing now for over 6 years… says he’s going to Hare in 2013, promise… STDiva from Kansas is a new transplant. She and Co Hare Just Kim got in a heated argument about whats better looking, Maryland or Kansas. Jeezus. You hicks need to travel more. Sensible STD was worried about getting hammered too quickly, looked to ID someone quiet and sober in the crowd to hang out with, then linked up with Mudflaps in her Mini. Yah this STD is a shrewd judge of character. Welcum, Wankers.
MudFlaps continues to lead the Hashing world in Recruiting the Fringe Element; now in addition to Just Barbie and Just Christy we were treated to Just Christy’s Sister, also cute and probably also has a mental health record. Just Generous Christy broke out her ex’s home brew to supplement the meager beer supplies of the Hare, though for the record there was some left over, but I apologize publicly for not providing more. I tried to bring Flaps some cigarettes to make up for all that everybody bums, but smoked them. But its the thought that counts. And really that’s good, because everything other than thinking about it is alot more work. Nevertheless, I apologize for that too. So that’s two more things; the perceived lack of beer, and the actual lack of smokes. Im really so sorry. i don’t know what got into me.
Another late arrival was La Grand Mattress, who bulldozed through the shiggy like the former Rugby prop she was…. seems a lot of us former Ruggers in the ranks of the Hash…. I tried to help her shortcut to the 2nd beercheck but Fossil, ever caring, told me she could take care of herself and that anyway he had marked shortcuts in the trail with his urine. Sure enough, she chugged in DFL shortly after the pack arrived… at the head of which FRB Regurgasex bound in with some wonderful trail treasure, a handy beach chair he found in the trash pile that was the 2nd beer check. Yes. Two. count’em, Two beer checks in fascinating conditions. OK so you had to help carry all the beer to the first one, at the Cute Little Swampside Gazebo Without a Neighborhood to enjoy it. Sorry about that too. Spew Tube tried to bring home the van backseat from the trash pile, but its wheels were inappropriate for the trail and it was too much work to push with Cindy Laid Who Who sitting in it…. who was also violated for being a long time no seeer even though it was only two weeks ago. Well thats a long time when we miss you. I guess Cupcake ran last week at the Bare Boner Schmegathon so he escaped violation.
Newbie Just Onya and her man friend joined us and were violated for looking sponsored by North Face complete with expedition everything and a st bernard with brandy in case they got stuck in the mountains of Bowie. With a name like On Ya who needs a nickname. Its probably Enya like the singer but whatevs. I apologize for not knowing how to spell it. Really I do. Also I apologize for not remembering her nice young man’s name, though he was senseless enough to bring her after running with us last week. Hope to see you again.
Speaking of names, there was a motion to name Just Kim, and Our Religious Advisor Bobbin urged the Mob to peer into her soul. The questions began. As she declined to favor us with the sort of lewd stories your typical Hasher is happy to volunteer, only a few proposals garnered support. Like PentaFile, a combo name referring to some closet encounter with a secret agent at the Pentagon; and her day job as an accountant. and Double bagger. She made a ruckus about her "Unbelievable" Double Bagged Boobs, but didn’t show us any. Big talker. Speaking of which….our own, Double D Ass, the erstwhile 3 Trick, joined us long enough to fall down the hill in her lawn chair while having a private technology party in circle tawking on her cell phone and twiddling her GPS unit, her earpiece flashing for help in crazy circles as she tumbled.
Saintly Suds and EZ Lips collected the dough AGAIN. Wow. Our Hash Cash is on Fire. Secretly, I’ve heard, at Hash Mismanagement they are incredible voices of reason. Keep these people around. Dont chase them away to Atlanta like you you did to the last guy.
The Mob descended upon Du Claws and treated the waitress to plenty of Hash confusion. So lots of new faces, plenty of the familiar ones, an awesome trail (meaning: no one got run over by an airplane), a great circle handled by our trusty RA Bobbin, and a sublime on after, all due to the fact that the BAH3 is prime set of Wankers. Nothing really to apologize about there. Oh but Im sorry this is so long. Really.