Hash Trash #1115 – And We Left Filthy Socks in their Honor
anyway dozens of people with nothing better to do met at the start.
the crowd was unruly, the mood epibolic.
All the most famous hashers were there: Bunker beater wearing the same ridiculous white star disco sunglasses he found on the unbelievable awesome AnyCock trail last week… accompanied by fast fit Stuffed whatever… ..back seat box coming all the way from atlanta just and only to hash cash, because we are The Slacker Hash, and no one volunteered to help out our malperforming hash cash duo ez lipps and saintly suds while they galavant around hashing with just anybody. sluts. velvet was there. cervix. fey ley, dropped off by her sons who went and robbed convenience stores while she hashed. … world’s prissiest hasher and Bitch Slap Pinata Tit Model Miracki Freedom… two other red haired harriettes, shit we have a glut of them now. like i guess velvets hair is red now too, or maybe not this week. …think we need some sort of a competition to pick from among froggy, walter, film, and others. ..also showing up just steve or mike from baltimore, late as usual. someone lay a trail with this bitch in baltim-whore so we can play in his VERY OWN BAR WHERE HE HAS THE KEYS AND POWER of CHEAP BEER (emphasis added).. spew tube was there…. ze vooman viz de segsiest accent in the bah3, cumrade pisonya… she brought along a leggy Bonus Russian, just oksana, member of a powerful russian mob, and she wears a thigh holster way up high. but don’t go looking for it or she may kill you with her spetznatz throwing shovel…. snotback… a bunch of others. just bonnie or somesuch, a hardware-clad cutie from florida who hath made the bah3 her home, and her mate, just somebody else with scary ink all over his legs please don’t kill us if we run out out of beer. no use your scary connections for good, not evil; that is, get us more beer. ….. just kim returning… obviously her life is meaningless…. just laura or laurie joined us, heart on her sleeve, peddling cigarettes for her friendship, all the Dames huddled around her car desperately smoking cigarettes to calm the oral obsessions they get when manly hashers like myself walk among them, our musky testosterone hanging heavy in the air. its ok girls, we understand. anyway a big crowd, lots of Justs, and thats a good thing.
the Hares were asked to explain theyselves and the trail. As it turns out, a nice, probably desperate, hopeless wanker from down south, half vagina (sp), had come to visit Froggy and save her from the perverts, lesbians, and drunks of the BAH3, and he helped with the trail too. well done, wanker. Also lost his 1985 brick sized GPS unit on trail, impossibly found by Just Scary Ink in the middle of seriously deep shiggy ….shows you that born criminals know instinctively how to find your shit and steal it… So by the time we were treated to the chalk talk featuring 29 different markings, we knew it was Too Fucking Late. We let them go and 3 people did uncountable damage with a 15 minute head start. Note to self: 5 minutes next time, no matter what we tell the Hares. Mayoral Fixation acted like he kept time and at some point suggested we get on with it. Off we went. we love shiggy in the BAH3 but some people just don’t know when to quit. Bushwhacking through the underbrush, climbing under fences, and a loooong waist high swamp crossing. i fear for anyone who brung they cellphone on trail. plenty of poison ivy, our hasher’s special friend. It was also apparent the ticks found us sexy and desirable as we groped in their bedrooms. walkers caught froggy over and over, but she always claimed to be innocent. i thought of depantsing her anyway but getting my ass kicked by a girl would be unappealing. the trail went on forever, and mixed non-trail bushwhacking shiggy with assfault, and the hares ran us in a big paved circle around the beer check, like todally mean and lowhanded. it was almost… humiliating. jeezus finally the thing came to an end. wankers dribbled On In.
the Mob went though the available beer. Meanwhile, the Instigator of this affair, Froggystyle, covered with the cement of hashing, flour and sweat, tried to cover for her absent co-conspirator, B4B, roaring in later, scattering gravel and beer cans in the parking lot with The Black Buttplug Impala, World’s Sexiest Car, muscling in to a space. this was the future site of Filthy Sock Homage to the Hares, this magnetic black sex machine. Folks: you can get photos of yourself getting done in the backseat of this magnificent machine at the Pimps and Hos Country Retreat campout about 28 Aug in historic gorgeous Croom MD go to the bah3 website for more info.
the Guilty were called up. you know actually it was a pretty awesome trail, though maybe a tad long at what, oh 3 Freakin Hours?! but they shant know that and were punished appropriately. in fact the following verses erupted from the mouths of the Mob:
Now heres this comely wanker of the bah3
she get paid to search for biology
well bobbin4buttplug was scoutin out the trail
lookin for things to stick up his tail
he sees our heroine draped over a log
trying to catch some lizards scurrying in the bog
hey he says lets retire to the long marsh grasses
we’ll lay in the mud, scissor with our asses
then i’ll help you find that skink
i can stick it up my ass, make that thing stink
i got a better idea she said and spread a redhaired smile
come on over here and we’ll do it froggystyle
all kind of stupidity ensued, which would be expected considering the RA. Just bonnie acted as Hashing Hottest Woman, the Beer Bitch, and poured anything with likker in it into cups for wankers to suck on as the voaracious mob went through everything there was to drink and thirsted for more, more MORE!! ahem. Anyway, welcome JB to the BAH3 cuz you got dem mad likker porin skilz. well so all kinds of crap happenened but i think we’re about done here. there was an on after at chilis or some other equally fashionable establishment. suddenly everyone was run over by a truck. the end.
summary: another sunday perfectly wasted.
so now on to the mayoral fixation, cumrade pisonya’, and dangerous liaison just oksanas debacle in the jungles of outer annapolis this weekend. see you there.