Hash Trash #1113
Hares: Fossil, Grand Mattress, and Film@11
The dazed, confused, and most likely hung-over gathered at the Jug Bay area of Patuxent River Park for a blow-out post 4th of July celebratory trail. But where are the hares? After some debate and moderate to severe confusion over the start, Any Cock’ll Do Me circled the mob for what might be the worst chalk talk performance of the year, courtesy of yours truly. “Ummm… there might be a trail… these might be the marks… there might be a beer check…” With directions like that, how could anything possibly go wrong?
So be it. Off through the field, past the family reunion/Michael Jackson celebration, and into the woods. Surely many marvelous things happened on trail but I was icing beer so I couldn’t be bothered with those details. I do know that we managed to screw them out of a beer check and keep them relatively swamp mud free. Talk about unhappy wankers! One by one they made their way to the On In, welcomed by a camp fire (Velvet collects fire wood like a champ!) and plenty of cold beer.
The hares were pulled in and accused of setting an Amazon Trail. We had a ringer who claimed to be a virgin but it was determined that Just Steve had in fact hashed before. We were graced with visits from long time no see-ers Just Something that Starts With a W and Moto Photo. Violations began pouring in from all directions. Safety Thurd got a workout! Velvet took one for her brave demonstration of tree dodging ala kayak. Just W did something forgettable but managed to not spill a single drop! Amazon was called out for allowing Elsie to be her designated driver. Just Steve reenacted a scene from his days spent in a coma. Any Cock immediately took advantage of this opportunity to play a game he called “dentist.” I’m not sure I want to go to his dentist if that’s how it’s done! Moto Photo screamed “ewww… I saw it!” and is probably scarred for life.
The pack dispersed just as Schmegg, aka Splat, aka No Deposit, No Return arrived on the scene. Never one to disappoint, Schmegg provided us with his own personal Fireworks Extravaganza. Amazingly enough, paramedics were not called to the scene but Schmegg once again earned another hash name. Fire in the Hole!! He’s going to look like Mr. T with all his hash name necklaces. For those that withdrew early, the video should be coming to a YouTube near you soon. Please make sure your mental health coverage is in force before viewing.