Hash Trash #1107 — Amazon Biathahash
Those old f**kers are smart aint they?
I am referring of course to Drippi and the venerable Oak of Annapolis, Amazon, our Hare for the day.
I refer to Drippi, because in his email he rightly pointed out that the bar had been set quite low for this Hash from the start.
And i refer to The Oak, because, she definitely pulled it out from the dark part and let the sun shine on it, because for a start, lets see we had the stereotype of Amazon Trail, consisting of a markless maze of neverland, a timeless tune celebrating its sorrows; as well as the Hare whining about her phone maybe going dead her social and family comitments, her breast size and her birthday. Good thing she doesn’t need to find her next meal like those polar bears she sends us pictures about. No she could have looked right around her at the start and found a crowd of hapless Wankers all ready to be victimized or eaten as necessary. A bunch of clankers showed at the anointed time and place, hogging every single parking space in the tiny lot for the Park: Grand Mattress, Fossil, his Handicapped Pet- hey let’s have a hash fundraiser and buy him hearing aids so he won’t act so simple and Fossil wont have to yell so loud to get his attention- kidding- we dont’ make sport of the handicapped at the BAH3; Ed the Sock on temporary loan from the Jolly Rogers Hash in FL, that really does sound terribly gay i have to say, but i know they put on a great boat ride; its where Filmat11 slept her way to the top; Schmegg rode in on that bi cycle contraption, so we knew someone would be toting his ass home tonite; ah he says but hitchhiking is a great way to get laid so we all nod our heads in agreement; Bobbin 4 buttplugs sauntered by; And Thats the Lay it Was appeared as Walter amid the controversy surrounding her naming; namely that we are clueless and so is she apparently about where and on whose grave she has given up the goods. WE DONT KNOW WHO’S DEAD OR NOT AND WE DON’T CARE. sorry caps on, not yelling. so being ignorant isn’t new; good thing she’s among the like-minded. like expeshally with her Hash twin the angelic little red haired squeeze my cheeks Im so cute BoyMan Just Mike…. or Just Matt?… Just Whoever Boy was there, except he is like 6 feet tall and a marine or former so he could probably take me but id givem a good fight cuz i know how to handle myself, like I watch MMA all the time so i know some moves…. Fey Ley! of course was in attendance, seemingly recovered from the Caps disaster, Stunt Hash Cashing; along with ProBoner, whom I am not sure if Mismangement has remembered to tell him he got voted for hosting the Anal Genital Meeting, whenever we actually hold it and number it, so PB consider this your notification.. Now you can go back to your cave and continue growing the Hermit Beard. The Ponys showed up because they are the most darling couple ever, really. the things she does out of love, i gotta tellya. I noticed 3 trick didn’t have sparkle eye makeup though. Is it over between you and me darling? But I thought that “stretching” you did after the trail, was for me? And thank the Hash Gods that PonyBoy has some sense and skills, because we would be in a world of hurt without this guy. Wankers take note. If you want to volunteer in any way for the club do it; its how we roll. If Ponyboy drops dead, we need people to step up. Guy keeps track of a lot. Some other Wankers showed up, inlcuding those that don’t understand what “BYOB” means. Good thing i am such a skilled Parasite. Oh and not to make you stop and pay attention but there was even some non hashing Wanker in a thick fashionable sweater and little intellectual glasses and Action Footwear that looked like Amazon’s crumple up and throwaway toy. and later she didnt sing that song extoling the virtues of her vibrators, and men being useless. but thats merely an association i made. it was a joke. jokes become rumors and rumors become truth, so soon we may sing about it and make it legend. Well except that they didn’t seem to know each other. but it was fun while it lasted.
A rightous Amazon lectured us on the marks. Note the significance: this indicates Amazon was present at the start. not like usual where she calls in from a cellphone to give us directions during her pedicure. The mob dawdled, afraid of what we might not find, like marks, and finally shuffled away in the direction given. fortunately in this case there were actually marks where she pointed. In fact, it was marked amply, like gorgeous mounds of….. fill in name of what you would like mounds of… chocolate, fat, pricks, whatevs…. oh honey was that subconscious? those were supposed to be separate choices. i have no idea where we went but it was a nice trail, richly marked beyond our wildest imaginations. pleasant mixture of trail and shiggy and a bit of road, running around scaring the family park goers, trail nicely designed to keep the pack fairly intact. Dang those old i mean experienced Hares are good. Of course it doesn’t hurt that most of us aren’t too swift. Leaders marked the checks and that is always a nice touch. Walter was all over the FRB part for lots of the trail, hollering away while we howled after her strong ivory legs, now ripped from egregious shiggy, sorry making things dramatic here, anyway Ed the Sock found some trail, Grand Mattress, and others also pitched in on finding the front.
yah so we gathered at some curb and swigged the beer dat brung us. The RA with least ability and loudest mouth found his way to the fore and gathered the group. Amazon was treated to a seriously badazz rap by the multitalented Pro Boner. The man went on and on, each stanza extremely clever. Dude actually remembered each verse too, a lesson that the Other White Meat could use in his raps. Boner Boy you better write it and distro to the group. Hilarious.
in the meantime, one that didn’t get did, but got writ about the Birthday Gal Amazon was:
Our Hare today is Amazon, she’s forty five
impassioned bout her causes; she helps the polar bears thrive;
but don’t you be a republican and expect to survive.
she tell you when to yell on on and how to run the trail;
i just might have to slap dat bitch
but im afraid she kick my tail.
there followed the usual hilarity and hijinks of the circle, none of which i remember but I think FRB went to someone….. On After at the Ebb Tide ClassyAss Lounge…
Anyway, yup I think we agree with Drippi on the trail… that Amazon trail was great…maybe she ISNT all muscle and no brains as we thought, and we should quit with making stereotypes about her trails.
Nah. Cuz we love her just the way we are.
On On
AnyCock’llDoMe
Amazon Rap by Pro Boner
Who’s got the body so buff
Whose trails are legenda-ry
She’s Amazon.cum of the beeyatch three.
You wanna talk politics, I’m warning you, awright.
She’s to the left like Genghis Khan’s to the right.
I ain’t tryin’ to be a hater, but I guarantee you later
She’s gonna sing us all a song about her vibrator
She says she don’t need a man after hash tonight
If Li’l Flour don’t take care of that, this hasher just might.
As our GM, this sista’ wears the crown
Y’all know the rest, drink it down, down, down…