Hash Trash #1085
Hare: Any Cock’ll Do Me
‘Twas the hash after Christmas and global warming abound…
A beautiful day for hashing!! We journeyed back to the land O’ Any Cock’ll Do Me (aka Rosaryville State Park). We arrived just in time to find our hare being released from the custody of Park Rangers. Apparently they take their $3 entrance fee seriously! Who’d have thunk it? Perhaps they should post a larger sign…
The hare, half drunk by the time chalk talk began, gave us our misdirections and sent us on our way to a mini marathon of toilet paper and floury delights. Brutal hills, moguls, and tree crossings greeted the eager pack. Apparently the industry standard “three and you’re on” isn’t enough for this sadistic hare! Seven, count ‘em – seven and you’re on was the call of the day. Suffice it to say his little trick worked and the pack stayed together. There was talk of a beer check but the hare drank it all before we could find it. He placated us with a shot check that was something along the lines of orange juice and cough syrup… or maybe it was vodka…
We wound our way to the finish where a joyful ON-IN greeted the weary warriors. The hare was nowhere to be found but he left us what beer he didn’t drink himself, so the merriment began. Violations were slow to start but soon were flowing from every direction. No one was left out today! We took extra care to ply our Orlando and Smutty Crab visitors with extra violations – we can’t send anyone away unsatisfied!
Just Dave wasn’t feeling the love from the group and threatened to stop pimping out his virgins to us unless we named him then and there. Three quarters drunk and in the dark, we began our interrogation. Something about Haiti, the desecration of Mother Theresa, and Doogie Howser was enough to get us going. We’re either really good at names or really drunk at this point because we reached an impasse. Luckily we found Amazon and Back Seat Box keeping the frightened hasher company in the parking lot! Their votes in, it was unanimous. Just Dave is now forever known in the hash world as Pimpocratic Oaf, a tribute to pimping virgins, surgical residency, and laziness in the sack.
And for the record, Any Cock’ll Do Me hands down wins the award for best dive bar this year! Nestled in the corner of a used auto parts park is a decrepit wooden structure, decorated with plywood bars, indoor plumbing, cold meatball subs, and wicked large beer mugs. Nicely done!
Happy New Year Wankers!