Hash Trash #1055 – BAH3 2008 DC Tour duh Hash (« Le Grand Finale )
Date: June 22, 3:00 pm – sunset
Hare(s): Amazon.cum, May’Oral Fixation, Cum’Rade Pissonya
Trail: Babbling brooks of sewage sucking pewk
A herd (that means 100+) of self-flagelating hashers along with some 4-legged hash pets (two German Shephards, a Nugget, the Elsie and her new partner “mutt’) arrived for the last leg of « le hash « tour, to get ready for a very “shit-filled” trail. The pack was happy, gay, and unsuspecting, but demonstrated much hash-pitality with many advertising their well-earned hash-shirt.
It started with a long single file plod through much “prickly” bush and ankle-breaking terrain until the pack mercifully broke out onto farmland, high grasses, and the begining’s of the intermenable sewage crossings and sludge sucking muck. And why DO hashers obediently follow these “shitty” trails through poison-ivy-laden terrain and pathogenic-filled sewage crossings? Anyone?
So the pack began “smelling” their way instead and eventually reaching the beer check. Most were covered with a stinch that arrived at least a mile before they actually got there. Then they quickly chugged the brew and off they went in “shiggy-stomper-like dementia — remembering only that there WAS an end in sight. And so, the final stage of this year’s event resulted in “crowning” violations and bragging rites (e.g., those who completed all 9 trails) for those hashers who participated and just “don’t have a life” – congratulations, you deserve it.
Circle was finally convened by dueling duo of PonyPoy and EMC and their side-kick AnnieCockWillDoMe, as Song Meister. They were also assisted by beer-wench (and partially nekked) Amelia AirHead and Barf Bag. First, all hares, GM’s, and a few others were horribly violated for their transgressions against the hash-dumb and of course and had to drink, and then our young-pubescent virgins (Just Hillary, Steve, and Max) were then forced to swallow the swill as well. And then we rejoiced. There were numerous violations and too many to re-count them all (plus Spitz just doesn’t f*cking remember) — but I do remember admonishments for head-gear, visitors (Section8 and Border Jungle, and someone from Germany who seemed very confused where he was, and Fiber Optic), long-time no-seers (me and a few others), a departing mention of BoyToy’s final appearance, and Silver Spudge’s “Disco Balls. FRB was identified, i.e., Just Frank, who was subsequently renamed “Tour de Whore” *), and Night Crawler as DFL until she was de-throned, but much later (when there was no more beer) by Running Bear who wore no-foot-gear.
*NOTE: Highlights of Just Frank’s naming were all objectionable and will not be repeated here – OK, fine. There was stories from PayPerView about eating panties and “doing” all nine trails so NineUpTheAss or One-for-Every-Hash, and Eight is Enough (oh brother); there was discussions of having sex with a 150 stone women (translate stones into pounds (Google it for G*ds sake), some childhood name of Fart Blossom, and something about STDs and Memorial Disease, and “Giggle me Tender (?!). But what stuck best to Just Frank was Tour de Whore – a true winner.
Special down down’s were then called out by Jack-Off-Lantern for those “tour” bourgeois sinners who ran all nine trails. They were flashed for the hash annals and then had to have sex with Jack-Off. Awardees include:
1. Best Newby to “le” hash tour – Tour de Whore
2. Best Mountains – Leggs Over Easy (Thanks for the mammaries)
3. Best (?) Blah Blah Blah
4. Second best (?) Anheuser
…and so with 14 hrs of daylight, circle was cut short when beer ran out — what’s up with that?? Some announcements followed, including BAH3 2008 Camp Out and Mr. McGoo’s “Hash Heritage House” fundraiser for it’s resurrections in Malaysia.
Then for those who still needed further oral satisfaction went somewhere else — and, I have no idea but it was allegedly in the vicinity of a Fridays?
And that’s the way it was, real or imagined. Errors or omissions accepted if it matters (so send an e-mail to: mailto: sallysportahoy@yahoo.com ) Scribe: Spitz.cum