Hash Trash # 1040: Smutty Crab-BAH3 Green Dress Run

Date: 15 March 2008

Hares: Just Randy (virgin hare no more), Granny Panties, At Your Cervix

Trail: No rainbow nor pot-o-gold, and no end

The weather was perfect, warm and sunny with no rain in sight – so no rainbow to guide the misguided to the pot-o-gold.

But they did cum, from all points east, west, north, and south; from every cardinal sin, in twos, fours; and an occasional ménage-a-family. The pack swelled from a few early arrivals to an eventual head-count of 60 plus, to participate in the first, “anal” Green Dress event. Princess VelvetVulva, seated in her throne, greeted everyone, collected hash cash, and distributed her "mammary-bilia." Beer was flowing, so setting the mood for the un-known, the un-expected, and the 7-mile march through Annapolis. Yes Sir. Right-left right-left.

There were multitudes of virgins who numbered almost 30 (oh my), ready to be deflowered, the fashion-eesta Smutty-Crabs, visiting DC Hashers, and the intrepid BAH3 representatives who all declared their presence. The sea of green included much glitz and glamour, stripes and polka-dots, costumes and hats (Wind-UpToy who out-hatted and out-eared everyone), fishnets and boas, kilts, a mid-summer’s gossamer nymphet, his-and-her look-alikes, and of course the “choir,” who all dawned identical shiny emerald green taffeta couture. You had to be there.

Then, inter-ruptus by the hare, AtYourCervix, who made his commands at chalk-talk -- go left, turn right, do this and don’t f*ckin do that – and I thought all we had to do was follow the flour@#*! And then Spitz.cum demanded a group grope -- the pack smiled, flashed, mooned, and then off they went, to follow the “green-brick road” to the end.

Almost immediately, the pack was mis-directed, confused with check-backs that challenged even the most veteran hound. The pack was then forced to wait in line for beer and down 300 lime-green jello shots along the way. And so the hares decided the pack should be punished for all their whining and laid over 7 miles of trail through cobbled-stone streets, across bridges, alley ways, up-and-down garages – one keg down. We then quietly escorted through the Naval Academy – shhhhhhhhhh – and then “luck o’ the Irish, the pack was flashed by a passer-by at the gate. Great photo-op.

With much rejoicing from the crowds and confused civilians -- the “green-pack” found their way back to the end, slightly inebriated, bladders ready to burst, hot, and bloodied (how did you do that Just Kelly?)and tired, and very very thirsty – on to the second keg. Thanks to Noah for sharing his Irish Whisky and Bad Ditch for breaking her soft-warm bread with us and her “spread” of apple jam (yum), before the pack was then violated.

The hares and many others were accused, banished, accused some more during circle. And finally, Just Randy (one of the “anal” hares) was anointed into hash-dom, forever to be known as GreenEggs & AnalJam (“green” dress, “anal” antics, and a “jammer”). Of course the virgins were recognized and tormented, the well-dressed and not-so-dressed were called out for their lack of style, others for nipples and other assorted debauchery. And then AtYourCervix, once again, commanded that circle end so as not to keep the on-after proprietor waiting for the pack to arrive. So then we departed -- ne’r a word of closing or even to “go get a piece.” So here’s to all who got a piece and to all those who celebrated into the night.

…a note of appreciation to AtYourCervix’ off-spring Just Doug and Hop-a-Long Chastity for manning and maneuvering the beer-truck and jello-shots along the narrow streets and driveways of Annapolis. Well done.

 And that’s the way it was, real or imagined. Errors or omissions accepted (so send an e-mail to: This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , if it matters)

On-Sec Scribe: Spitz.cum