Hash Trash #1358 – White Elephant by Johnnie Cockring
On a balmy winter afternoon, the naughty kids in attendance included, among others, Chix Won’t Stick, Cleanup on Aisle 3, Pornyboy, Eat my Twat, $5 Infection, the lovely Fey LAY in a skin tight spandex bodysuit which made her look 6 feet tall, A Just, the elusive Pain In The Ass, No Wake Zone (who amazingly showed up after apparently having fallen under a lawnmower earlier in the day), Hung Like a Slinky, A Phone Named Gerbil, MoreMen Pukes Tonight, 3 West, and Choke Out to Put Out.
Hares At Your Cervix, Bobbin 4 Buttplugs, Velvet Vulva & DoMe Decimal Dominatrix treated the pack to an interesting arctic trail through scenic Brooklyn Park w/ much off-road slipping, sliding and trail treasure. Santa in a Toilet was particularly memorable. Some wankers (incl. both The Incredible Edible Schmegg and your faithful correspondent) fell on their asses. Others, like Amazon.cum (looking lonely w/o Rudolph, her monstrous red dildo), bimbo hashed to keep their little tootsies dry. Fossil was observed vigorously dry humping a particularly curvaceous pine tree on trail in the absence of Dump n Scrunch, who has fled to Asia. There was an [ahem] ‘interesting’ shot check at the top of a silicon-slicked hill which was rumored to have featured that delightful Chicago libation, Malort. There was a beer check in a strip club – w/ NO STRIPPERS!
Thereafter the pack retired to Brooklyn Park’s only Michelin 4 star bistro, Milt’s Rendezvous, for the anal BAH3 White Elephant gift exchange. Buckets of beer were provided by the hares, otherwise NOBODY would have had a good time. Big winners were ZZ Bottom, III w/ his exquisite white ceramic owl, our esteemed Religious Advisor Any Cock’ll Do Me w/ his shipping container full of VHS ass-porn tapes (expect his blistered palms to be heavily bandaged this Sunday), and Old Faithful w/ that lovely bunny apron. The big loser was poor frustrated Anastasia Steele (aka Blonde Roots) who not once, but twice, turned fifty shades of grey upon having intriguing BDSM devices stolen from her, the first by notorious hash bizarro Bobbin 4 Buttplugs and the second by man-eating newcummer Muddy Twaters.
All in all, it was another Sunday afternoon perfectly wasted.