Hash Trash #1318 – Regurgasex, Call Triple D

Welcome to the saga of BAH3’s trail number 1318.

There was no doubt in my mind this trail would be memorable. Starting early in the week Regurgasex’s plaintive calls for someone, anyone, from MisManagement to get back to him indicated something odd was going to happen. Combine that with the fact that the trail was going to have a live hare, and in B’More, where we all know there’s no shiggy, but the trail notes suggested, wait for it, wait for it, an ACTUAL STREAM CROSSING! Woohoo! How could this go wrong? As it turns out, it could go wrong in soooo many ways.

Everything started off well. It was a beautiful day, sunny, warm, just the right kind of weather for hashing. Then I found the wrong starting point. “In the parking lot next to the Stieff Silver building, on the side by the Scouts”. Sure. After three or four cars full of hashers drove into that lot, then left and went across the street, I figured I might be missing out. Yeah. Well, just a minor hiccup, right? And besides, if I was the only one to misinterpret the directions then I’ll just blame that on the brunch mimosas I started the day with. So hashers arrived. Many hashers. Then 3:00 arrived, then 3:10, then 3:15, but no hare. Wait, wasn’t he supposed to leave at 3? And then let us follow by 3:10? Oh well, it’s summer hashing, and it’s nice out, right? No worries.

Then worries. Regurgasex does eventually show up, and starts putting down some marks for chalk talk. Hmm, what kind of marks are these? “Runners will be on these two colors of chalk, walkers on these 6? 7? something like that.” Okay… I suppose that might work. Oh, and walkers trail is already laid, and the hare’s heading out with flour now… Okay. Well, it’s a nice day, fun people, there are still a few pre-lube beers lying around. Sounds like a plan.

Even with the ominous warning signs, the on out started off well. Three miles, 40 minutes, a back check or two and a nice scattering of flour later, the runners found their way to a Beer Garden on the Johns Hopkins campus, just in time to not find the hare. See, usually when there’s a live hare, that hare waits at the beer/shot stops to make sure everyone made it, and enjoy a refreshing beverage as well. Apparently that’s not Regurgasex’s way. Okay, cool. The thirsty runners decide to skip waiting on him, and descend quickly on the beer. Yay! Eventually the hare does decide to show up, eating pizza. About then was when we realized the beer garden was closing up shop, and there were no more beers to be had. Hmm. Oh, and the walkers weren’t here yet. Hmm. Well, this is shaping up wonderfully!

So the hare heads out to find the walkers and get them back on track, and the runners stand around waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Because, as you might recall, it’s a live trail, and so there’s no on-out for us. We finally decide to just no-no the walkers trail back to start, even though we know we’ll miss out on the promised second beer stop. Of course, that second beer stop could be anywhere in a five mile radius, and with no marks to find it, not likely to be attended. Luckily(?) one block down the trail we run into the hare again, leading the bedraggled, wet, tired, and thirsty walkers to the now-defunct beer garden. From the rumors and stories I heard, it seems the walkers found all the shiggy promised to the pack. Go walkers! (That’ll teach you, Johnnie C_ring, for your comment to the hare: “and btw, regurgasex, walkers like checks & shiggy too!” You asked, and he delivered.)

So the hare gives the walkers directions to the next part of their trail, something like “go up past the garden, then turn left. You can’t miss it!” Heh. Anyway. Then off he goes, hopefully laying trail to the second beer stop. After a short time the rest of the running pack starts trying to figure out where the hare went. That failed. And failed. And failed. About 15 minutes later, after successfully finding the newly laid no-no walker’s marks that the hare had helpfully laid down to assist the walkers about three separate times, most of the pack gave up and went back to the start.

In the next hour or so, the pack back at the stop called up DDD to let her know there was no pack coming to the beer stop, and that we wanted her beer (and delicious shot) back at start. The intrepid walkers managed to make their way back to the start as well, though I think they missed most of where they were supposed to go to. (Rumor has it the walkers trail ended up longer than the trail most of the runners did.) Eventually Regurgasex returned, and a few minutes later both Peter Puller and More Men Pukes Tonight / Bringem Hung made it back in. Somehow, those two managed to find trail, and followed (and caught) the hare. Over-achievers.

Regurgasex hared this lobotomy of a trail, Call Triple D hosted a beer stop no one made it to, and brought yummy shots. Any of you who were there have been invited by Regurgasex to have your hash cash paid for at this week’s CCH3 trail. Those lucky b*stards are: SotC, Bang En Style, Johnnie C_ring, More Men Pukes Tonight / Bringem Hung (how many names does this guy have?), Free2Lay, Dump & Scrunch, Socket, Works for Tips, $5i, Phone Named Gerbil, Chicks Won’t Stick, Just Mike, Peter Puller, B4B, Gigolo, Schmegg, Fossil, and Do Me Decimal. Oh, and in honor of the trail, Amazon was included in the offer by Regurgasex.

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