Hash Trash #1279 – 5$Infection and Chicks Won’t Stick

Aarrr, me hearties. A horde of swashbuckling scoundrels, winsome wenches, buxom beauties, dastardly dogs, and rapacious ruffians weighed anchor, took to the seas, and found themselves a comfortable port in Heavy Seas Brewery Bay on a recent Sunday in August. Treasure and booty awaited, and though X did not mark the spot, 5$ Infection and Chicks Won’t Stick had endeavored to lay down a treasure map of sorts. With an unusual display of timeliness, Pump ‘n Dump called together more than two score crew members, including a half dozen virgins, to start up an opening circle fueled with pre-lube and hilarity. After appropriate instructions and introductions, the crew was off, at full speed, straight into a slog through shiggy the likes of which hasn’t been seen in seasons.

The mates followed the treasure trail through forest, muck, river, stream, grassland, dirt, dust, tunnels and every location where shiggy existed. The only missing part of the trail was pavement. Shots were consumed, beer checks were enjoyed, safety was ignored, dogs were lost (and found), shipwrecked late arrivals were gathered up, and eventually, after much travail, the crew found their way back to the starting point of this delightful adventure. Some crew members changed to even better pirate costumes (many thanks to the beauties for that) and a horde of thirsty scavengers descended into the Heavy Seas Brewery Tasting Room.

Beer flowed quickly, and the crew took much advantage. After a short tour of the warehouse, where mates were yelled at to “Hash Hush” no less than a dozen times, with increasing volume and frustration, Pump ‘n Dump opened up the circle for the usual miscreants to enjoy. Bobbin’s mother seemed to enjoy herself, even though just about every hash song about motherf*cking found their way to the room. All in all, full advantage was taken of the two hour drinking window provided by Heavy Seas, and eventually a bunch of drunk hashers were let loose on the outside world.

On-pirating-on,

A Phone Named Gerbil

The pirate had captured a wench,
Quite youthful and pretty, and French,
He showed her his bed,
She shook her sweet head,
So he polished her off on the bench!