Hash Trash #1159

OMG.

WTF.

BBQ.

Meeting at the Lemons Bridge MARC station at Bowie State, we proved that the BAH3 isnt anti-mass transit. Not that you could get there on  the the MARC train. But we at least used their parking lot. Much good areas for trails there.   A portion of the extensive Patuxent River Park system is there and the excellent if totally ignored and forgotten Fran Uhler Natural Area….. . train tracks slice the whole thing so its easy to navigate your way if you get lost.

Since the area is connected by no roads with a speed limit higher than 35mph, most drifted in right around start time, including the Hares, who had been out scouting trail and pre-laying a bit. Running Bhares legs looked punished; should be a fun trail. Virgin Hasher Just Matt and the rest of us were treated to the longest and most incoherent chalk talk ever, the only significant fact being that there were two (2) beer checks, then once everybody was thoroughly confused, and by that i mean “ready,” our duo makes off to set some trail.

Our omnicient Religious Advisor Bobbin 4 Buttplugs guides us in prayer. After a head start of 10 minutes  the mob is off, including Just John … the venerable Fossil…..Saintly Suds and EZ Lipps…  Friar F*ck and Hash Dog Shiddy Trail, or “Trial” as FF would pronounce it….. he is making his way to Boston via the Hash…  clever bald headed kilted hasher Bunker Beater and the nearly impossible not to stare at Stuffed in My Box …  theyre so cute and adorable don’t you just want them to mate and make little hash babies? well if they do i get credit for the idea….  Sex Apnea showed up in those jean shorts…. please man…. have some dignity….   So Park n Ride led the charge afield under the power lines, recently mowed and now a field of sharpened pungy sticks, a bunch of stiff 8 inchers but not the kind Amazon wants. a fall would be nasty. wonderfully, the first beer check is not even a mile away; however who would have guessed it had been discovered by passing ticks and now they told all the rest of the fucking ticks in the park because they were ALL there; immediately wankers start finding themselves covered in multiples. nasty. EZ lipps got to 13 i believe….  Bobbin find a bag of the Hare’s flour and discussion ensues on how best to f*ck with the Hares…. finally he hides it somewhere else….  and we hope the Hares don’t need it to guides us home later….. A figure comes blobbing down our way but not on trail. Bobbin goes out to recruit him. but its not just some clueless jogger. its Daily Swallows from one of those nearby Brand X hashes and he joins us at the beer check.

Then its off we go scrambling over the RR tracks and into a tore up mess of short sharp shiggy, downed dead shrubbery, swamp, moss, little humpy areas….   then back to some dirt double track trail…..  Amazon after declaring herself a walker is loping along on the runners trail, pulling up her sagging shorts every 20 feet as they half fall off, exposing her ladies unmentionables. inappropriately attired.  i apologize if any children saw her or are picturing this in their minds like i keep doing.

A turkey eagle split awaits ahead. The E split runs straight to the swamp but then mercifully skirts it, leading along mildly undulating open woods, at least for a while. Saintly Suds is yelling On On ahead.  we reach some field and a trail winds back to the original beer check but by now apparently the ticks have figured out how to uses tools and pry off bottle caps because there is no beer left for some of us.  but at least the ticks are drunk and can’t climb. the pack now reunited moves off,  back to trail which is direct line to the on in… Just Alex totes the empty cooler, being a helpful hasher, while the rest of us selfish Wankers decline and as we move up trail Amber Alert meets us to retrieve beer check trash.

Ah but there is even a bonus beer check at an entrance gate, and those of us earlier denied were sated. As we surveyed the damage, in the distance is Virgin Matt and the Wanker that made him cum, Just Christy; they are relieved to find that we have beer. Friar and Shiddy join up. Then its to the On In, where hmmm…. a pattern is emerging concerning the beer… Hare Amber Alert, from somewhere in northern virgina, is now off trying to find beer on a sunday in backasswards maryland, where liquor stores are closed…. Cervix, joining us by auto hashing and an authority on sunday beer sales, has directed Amber somewhere but directions are not AA’s strong suite. Running Bhare is treated to plenty of down downs on his behalf. the situation seems dire. yet despite the torrid pace of down downs, the multiple calls for all kilted hashers or all this or that, the beer is not running out. of course Park N Ride is suplementing with that powerful swill she mixes up the back of her van. even so. Even the inexperienced Just Christy acting as beer bitch cant make the beer end.  we realize we have been touched by the hand of the almighty, witnessed a miracle. Bobin closes the circle. Then Amber Alert shows up with a cornucopia of beer and orange food, and its off to the races again, circle reopened, Hares re violated along with everyone else. Then more hanging around and Wankers repair to the famed Glory Hole for the On After. Another great trail and Sunday perfectly wasted.

On On

Any Cock’ll Do Me