Hash Trash #1157
Gathering in a swamp along a one lane backwoods bridge in provincial Gambrills was a mob of Wankers ready for the ferocious shiggy threatened in the trail announcement. Hmmm, yet our Hare Miracki Freedom sports clear, smooth, appendages and isn’t even the least bit muddy. What gives say we. I got the Rack I make the Rules, says she, looking at her co hares, who nod in agreement. Co conspirator LilFlour looks a bit ragged, but right i know he always does. Late addition to the team line up A River Runs Druid is the one that ate the ugly stuff setting trail. One fun thing about Haring is that you actually have to go through all those wonderful places you want to make the pack experience. So he got to do all that while Miracki and LF rode along in a golf cart and pointed out where he should lay the next falsie. Tut tut i say boy, up that hill there.
Those of us trying to find a place to park on the skinny strip of mud that separated our cars from the swamp included Saintly Suds and EZ Lipps taking your money, and the erstwhile Just Clark, newly named Sex Apnia but who couldn’t remember this when we introduced ourselves. Ladies beware: can’t perform under pressure. Our precious Hosehead dropped by…. i know she looks homeless in the stuff she hashes in but ive seen her in work duds and she cleans up nice… Amelia Airhead was wrapped in her corset again… complaining about she keeps losing weight and can’t do anything about it… lets hate her together girls… more cars cram themselves onto the tiny mud shoulder…. normal traffic is being delayed as we jockey for position in the mud….. an expensive little Benz stops and a window rolls down…. someone asking for gray poupon… kidding… it deposits an unmarked blonde and roars off. Man she must be really annoying im thinking. Oh but then it parks and the driver joins us as well… Visitors and very nice, good looking and smart Annapolitans Just Rob and Pump n Dump decide to give it a go with the BAH3…. later they are surprised that the coolers are full of “good” beer. In Lynchburg i guess they drank whatever Gomer makes in the barn.. I explain the BAH3’s preference for “quality” beer, though its lost on me… Later she will look like weasels ripped her flesh, legs shigged cruelly….. another notable pair of visitors was Sewer Rat, a local hash-homeless swabbie; and pal Virgin Just Phil …. they have a 12 at the ready and are gracious enough to offer me one when they see how lonely (for beer) i look… SR subsequently forgot his keys; perhaps youve seen his plaintive email. its 5 days later and apparently he just discovered they’re missing… So obviously he already fits in with the rest of you Wankers… Welcum anyway…Another visitor… possible transplant, Pleasant Fuck, from Dubai…. told me his group there had like 50 msgmt committees, the Brits were super organized… Welcome to the Slacker Hash, Wanker.
The second string Religious Advisor came off the bench to rally the mob and led a lame prayer…. And we’re On On!
Oh except for Sewer Rat and Just Phil who are off peeing together. Good planning. These guys are natural Hashers. They are forced to limp along with the late arrivals, like Mother Chalker. .. the Incredible Edible Schmeg and guest Just Lori may have arrived before him but probably not by much.
Meanwhile the rest of us are heading alongside some crick. then several possible crossings. one, a steep sided water crossing or nice long log over the water… visitor Just Ellen promises us all she is going to fall off the log but doesn’t… liar… another rugger…… Wankers trying to avoid the inevitable water. But no. Youre going in; its just a matter of time. Much bleeding from the unprepared. Visitors and Justs thinking, WTF you idiots go though that stuff?…. Extra Creamy bellowing. A few checks are slowing the pack but not for long. ZZ Bottom III all over the place. Also Hash Dog Elsie… and Just Ellen…Park N Ride…. Mmmmmm tasty shot check. I think Miracki enlisted Canned P to take care of that…. why do i only see her at the drinking parts of the Hash…. Then we’re running around in some big industrial parking lot and back through the woods. Cervix finding trail…. Ten minutes later, we’re done. it was a nice trail and not painfully long. And looks like plenty more land there to run around in for the future.
While we’re out a nice policeman lets our Hares know that it would not be smart if someone decided to drink there, so we caravan up to the aformentioned industrial parking lot and gather for Religion. Hare Razor Electric Muff Chuckler plays Beer Bitch. The Guilty are brought before their peers which spontaneously rap:
Oh its Lil Flour and Miracki Freedom;
one gots hot tits and if you yell you might see dem.
Helping them out is A River runs Druid;
he wears a kilt stained with his seminal fluid.
Actually first they got serenaded as setting an Amazon Trail; the actual Amazon, in attendance with kilted Hash dog Elsie and Hash Mop Other Dog, was mortified… The RAs welcoming of the Virgin Phil was just as disjointed as the last time… but he got a down down demonstration out of the Hares… At Your Cervix turned the Front Running Bastard FRB pack over to Couff….. Dead f$cking Last DFL was Mother Chalker I believe….
We welcomed back Mach 6, a reeeeal long time no see er; this Wanker was your GM (or so he SAYS….) ..twice….. back in ‘Nam…. OK not that far back…. usual story, got married, kids… wife is also a (former) BAH3 hasher… forgot her name sorry…. well hell next time M6 YOU take the kids, and send HER out here pal…. anyway welcome back hope you two can join us again every once in awhile… see what you begot…. honorary BAH3er from the Jolly Roger Hash in FL Ed the Sock joined us from the desert, THAT desert, and we hope to see you again soon… hijinks ensue….. ECDC drags his unicycle out of his tiny car and proceeds to wow us with his tricks. Gets violated for still not being able to ride the thing after years of bringing it to the hash. The fast and fashionable Park n Ride passed around those lemonade things which are very delicious. but thats a mighty small pitcher for such a big van she has. On after at Kaufmans, a great Gambrills den including some visitors and Justs. So maybe we’ll see you again at BAH3 1158.
Any Cock’ll Do Me