Hash Trash #1156 – We Be Ilin
As they say, fool me once; shame on you; fool me 50 times, Im probably a Hasher.
Yes, Number 50 in the series of the Amazon Trail of lore and song, was laid on a mob of unsuspecting Wankers. Actually, when Amazon sets trail you can expect two things. First you get an adventure, which is part of Hashing. In this case the adventure is being totally f#ckin lost with Wankers spread all over the countryside and arriving at the On In from every direction. But I’d like to emphasize, they DO get in. editorial note: this is a good time to mention that whistles are actually a good alternative to yelling ON ON, sorry if some consider me blasphemous but in a hash where people are running far to solve the checks, whistles are a lot better at getting the pack back together than voices. so.there i said it.
Well except for the bellowing of Extra Creamy Dog Crap. the man sounds the call, and the lost hashers of the bah3 come from the hills. Too bad he’s lost too. Joining him where the rock climbers hang out, at one of many vain attempts to solve the infamous Backcheck 11 after we scaled the mountainside, was A River runs Druid…. long time No See’er Just Christie… not Just Crazy Christie, this one seems sensible…. well other than the fact that she hangs out with us…. oh and she nabbed the distinction of being Dead F$cking Last, wandering in from down the RR tracks… welcome back Wanker… lets see… who else was on the mountainside…..ZZBottom III… the fount of trivia… educated all us crackers on how the pants down around your ass custom came from… we need more smart guys like him in Mismanagement…. one guy joining us who IS like him, at least in his ability to fall asleep in certain unusual conditions, is Just Clark, who got rid of his FRB bag with a vengeance Sunday by showing up at the On In barely ahead of DFL just Christie….. obviously fears commitment…. however he appears to be staying around despite our best efforts to shake him, so he might need a name soon… Also hopelessly mired on the rocks were Bobbin, who actually solved the check but didn’t realize it….. Dashboard Diver, who lives with ECDC and hash dog Fergus in the big van, Pimpocratic Oaf, who notably didn’t bring a fawning virgin hasher this time…. Peter Puller also did an admirable job of trying to find trail …. Just Alex was back…. Barf Bag brought his A game in bad puns… luckily we got separated…. long time no see’er Just John…. At Your Cervix meandered off…. knows the place cuz he bikes there… great trails if you like steep and rocks…. not that Amazon spent all that much time on a formal trail…. Ponyboy and his new rubber toe shoes ran down some trail and like most of the rest, i never saw him till the On In…. Fossil… newbies take note he’s a good one to follow, always knows a shortcut or where he is or if we have started to run the same trail again…. unlike me im always surprised….. Grand Mattress and her highly visible knee socks… EZ Lipps and Sainly were up there for awhile… theyre also good to follow… but i dont know where they wandered off to either… Gaelick joined us with long time no seer hash dog Nugget… Friar Fuck also graced us with his presence and his hash dog Just Whatsits name… Velvet joined us wearing a great t-shirt. i loved that shirt. Double D Ass auto hashed, didn’t want to mess up her sparkle makeup clawing her way up some dirt cliff… Long Time No See’er Johnny Cockring also auto hashed… Hash’s Toughest Jobs guy, Hare Razor Electric Muff Chuckler, rounded out the mob in the hills.
After about 40 minutes of aimless wandering and the hopeless realization that there’s no beer where we are, some of us decide to just go down and start over… crossing the train bridge I find the trail No No with Irish lass Black Hole…. coming down the stairs from the sacrificial altar… hey any marks are better than no marks… then we hear ECDC bellowing…. again… B4B passes us… up the road a few hundred yards is the Guilty Party herself, Amazon, she gives a hint and a pack of about 8 of us are back On….. we head up the rocky stream and some minor rock scrambling… to a tasty shot check…thence to some more beautiful woods and fields….
i didn’t mention that the second thing you get with an Amazon trail is a always a great setting and interesting features. The venue was the strangely named and historical Llchester, a lost town that had wanted to see better days, but apparently never did, and Patapsco park featuring the aforementioned steep mountainside, long stretches of soft green footing in open, old woods, fields, river crossings, not much blood or mud, some scrambling, an abandoned, buried city, old concrete structures and roads and stuff reclaimed by the forest, and a number of scantily clad trailer tarts hanging around next to the railroad tracks where we circled up for Religion…. im thinking of staying there and becoming a hobo…. i think BarfBag offered them cigarettes and beer…. At the On In Canned P noted the oh so subtle swivel of male eyes when a few would saunter by on their way to do something i just know was dirty in the woods. Bobbin conducted our Religion with the solemnity it deserves and Johnny Cockring acted as the Hunk of the Hash, Beer Bitch. The guilty party was brought forth and toasted, and other shenanigans ensued. ECDC found some flammable industrial goo, used by the railroad in maintenance and stored very accessibly right next to us, but for some reason no one wanted to light it. Maybe we are getting smarter. A fabulous On After was enjoyed on the Big Deck of the Pony…. At any rate, another great Amazon Trail and we look forward to this Sunday and BAH 1157.