Hash Trash #1139

oh it started innocently enough. a flour covered fattish guy, a handful of desperate wankers, a bunch of mud, some god awful beer of 10 percent alcohol.

then one thing led to another. and before anybody could say “i sure hope nobody i know sees me,” BAH3 1139 was in the history books.

 

Ah the sun brought out the Elite of the Hash, which of course isn’t saying much. Resident Mafioso Spew Tube was first on scene, offering the ladies valuables that he said “fell off the truck” at his government agency, specifically big plastic bags and sidewalk chalk. Oh the ladeez they preened and strutted to get some of his government issue chalk, being surge-produced for the effort in Afghanistan, as an alternative to fighting, warlord hopscotch contests all over the country, like in the movies where the gang leaders have a dance off. .. Another early arrival was Fossil with his LL Bean Duckshoes, and his lovable Hearing Challenged hash dog whatshisname…  Despite her boast that she would be early, Hash Haberdasher Velvet Vulva rolled in not early and had to depart immediately for shopping after depositing Cervix in our midst… What is this, Adult Care? For Chrissakes, send HIM shopping and you stay around. Ah but he did run down every false trail and swam in the deep parts and that brings pleasure to a Hare. .. Fey Ley stepped in as hash cash, and later gave us all a surprise treat, mmm it was hot and wet and tasty and involved her spreadin the legs for the crowd at the glory hole, namely three plates of chicken parts she won for betting on the Caps.

That would have been at the second glory hole, this first of which would be found in the abandoned house the trail went through. While Filmat11 rifled through the fridge looking for beer Spew went upstairs in that creepy place and scored some odd medicinal-looking thing, sort of a cross between a breathalyzer and an enema pump. Fey tried it on at the circle while SlowMan graced us with his goofy laugh as guest celebrity Religious Advisor. ZZ Bottom III was also mighty helpful by educating us all on Where is the Cheapest Beer in Maryland. That guy knows a beer bargain.

Amazon was likewise mighty generous, inviting the general public to take whatever they wanted from her car while on trail as she left her door.. wide.. open ..the… entire…. time.  Stoner. Apparently nobody wanted any of her shit but the cat she rescued on the way to the hash ran off. But be nice to her because she is setting trail for our White Elephant next week and the Full Moon. We love you girl.

The only person later than Film to arrive at the start- well, after the start- was Mother Chalker, who had left desperate messages on the Hare’s phone decrying his tardiness. Another Wanker also had tried in vain to reach the Hare before the Hash, Amerlia Airhead, who called twice to explain that she was sitting in the exact spot where the Hash was supposed to take place but there wasnt anyone there.  Well that should have been a clue, but i digress. Anyway unfortunately for our hapless callers, the Hare is not smart enough to to keep his phone charged and keeps a water damaged dead battery as reserve.  I hope Amelia’s not still sitting there waiting for us.

The trail as laid was a mixture of mud, pavement, and water, that latter provided by Mother Nature in prodigious amounts, so much so that a big chunk of the originally planned trail was now impassable. thus a series of long false trails awaited the mob as the Hare was forced to backtrack and try to unfuck himself. In attempt to be nice, the Hare explained at the beer check that they would be seeing the same beer check again. No less shrewd than Japanese superefficiency experts, rather than run the rest of the trail, the mob just drank another beer and headed back.

Just Daniel bimbo hashed, hobbling in direct from work, nursing his bum wheel, still wearing that bandana on his head from like forever, i mean like what is he hiding under that thing. After turning Amazon into mush at the on after with a massage from his talented Hot Hands of Pleasure, he vowed to bring his fiancee Laura to meet the Wankers of the BAH3. oh yeah she’s gonna love that. is that romantic or what. Dude has NO common sense apparently.

In a break with his tradition of just wandering wherever, Mayorall Fixation actually did the marked trail, sort of accompanied by the lovely Cumrade Pissonya who was absorbed by her cell phone the entire time working some new angle with the Russian Mafia, probably how to wrest control of the lucrative Sidewalk Chalk business from Spew Tube. If you got too close to her while she was working the phone she brushed back her dress and gave you an eyeful of her thigh holster packin Russky heat.

Three visitors were foolish enough to drop by, all of which are apparently in better condition or smarter than any of us as they were all FRBs or close to it, IVA from Orlando who had a nice christmas rendition of some bawdy tune, sorry don’t remember it, and two brothers, college boy and xcountry runner Just Someone from around here but going to school in Ohio, and Fuck Sheep for Jeezus joining us from Tucson. or Tuscon. However its spelled. There was also a semi-bimbo hasher, Just Shirley, who was unfortunate enough to drive by Slowman and I at circle’s end and inquire as to whether we were Hashers. Once we were done drunkenly bludgeoning her with all our Hash Cool, she squealed wheels trying to get away from us. Welcome to all you visitors, newbies, or lurkers, and we hope we see you (again). anyway thats pretty much it except for whomever and whatever i forgot to mention or whatever Hash Scribe Film has to say.

On On to the White Elephant

Any Cock’ll Do Me