Hash Trash #1138: Thankfully No One Died

Yes we count ourselves lucky that no one died from ingesting colored chalk mixed with the flour used to mark trail in the knee deep snow of BAH3 1138, the 2009 Blizzard Hash. Plus all sorts of whacky hi-jinks occurred but not one of the assembled losers had a camera. So probably youre going to think Im lying. But there were sex acts involving all the wimmen, and sausages, and polar bears, and a Butt Ton of snow. And that was just at the join up. i swear.

Good on our intrepid songmeister with the heavy burdens MiRacki Freedom, and her co hares Running Bhare and Bad Dog for taking full advantage of the most unusual snow in years in our usually lame mid atlantic winter. Wankers parked in the forlorn little strip mall lot down the street from the Hares, and everyone tried to avoid parking in front of the closed businesses so that we wouldn’t take away any Christmas rush customers in case any showed up. Man we are so thoughtful. Are we idiots or what. 2 feet of snow and nothing is open anywhere, especially this sorry little mall.

A quick set of instructions was provided by our Harriette who professed hope that somehow the marks would intersect wherever Running Bhare was, still out setting trail. At any rate we knewed we were screwed. Wankers devised various strategies to deal with the snow. Schmeg decided shorts and no socks was the way to go. Patches ran completely naked except for her hair and collar. Wish i could say the same for No Child Left Behind as she clumped along in her Uggs, but she wore too many other clothes to classify as a serious Eski Ho. Even our entreaties at the On After did nothing to convince her to remove same. Mother Chalker hashed with modest purple bags on his socks. Very attractive. Then the man had a real date with an actual woman later that night. Combed his hair. Changed out of the purple. Not as dumb as he looks. Though Ponyboy didn’t seem to run much in his jeans, Dude was out in front most of the time breaking trail. I also don’t like that Fossil walks as fast as i run. Good thing he and others stopped to help push somebody’s car out of a snowdrift so i could catch up. Amazon pouted that she was completely fat and out of shape when she found herself too often stuck in the back of the pack with the likes of me. She was probably just feeling conflicted because she was keeping herself warm wearing a baby seal fur hat. Sure its a problem, but lets face it; any beautiful animal fur is a wonderful thing to behold on the animal, but looks even better paired up with a hot woman. EZ Lipps and Saintly Suds both ran attired as Santa Claus and we almost couldnt tell which was which other than Saintly’s coke bottle glasses peering out from his beard. Well and that EZ Lipps is just a skinny little twig, not too santa clausy.

The fat deep snow made basically any short cut impossible as well as unwise. there might have been plenty of shiggy but it would be pretty tough to tell. we were in woods but other than tripping over plenty of logs etc, the shiggy was underfoot. Even those muscular viney green stickers were nowhere to be found.  On the other hand, unbroken deep snow is waay more work than if even 2 people have gone through it. It suited Gran Mattresses method of just plowing through whatever. OK so any little hill was a challenge and sharing the unplowed back roads of silver spring with morons who wanted to drive on them was probably not all that smart but im here to report that the trail was a blast. Mmmm and greeting us midway was a healthy beer check and plenty of beer cooled by the snow which is just marvelous. Circled up in MiRacki’s living room. Thereupon someone serenaded the Hares:

Now sip your beer and I’ll tell you a tale of a Wintry sunday hash

it started with a bunch of Snow, and everyone got trashed.

the hare was a big tit airhead, the cohares half as smart

then a dozen desperate imbeciles ran down their trail in a cloud of farts

the hills were steep the snowdrifts deep; the trail had them all fooled

then someone spied the beer check and everybody drooled

the moral of the story is no matter how snowy is your trail

a hashin twit don’t give a shit as long as he’s swillin ale.

However he goofed up the song so it didn’t get finished. FRB was Schmeg i think. DFL was EZ Lipps or maybe me. EZ Lipps provided a new tune, not that I can remember what it is but it was clever. Did some drankin. Enjoyed the deep buzz of doing a ridiculous trail in foolish conditions. ah yes. hashing in knee deep snow: BAH3 DOES put the FU in fun.  Perhaps we’ll see you at the next trail, which i understand is going to be sublime. Or rather melty icy snowy and muddy. On On

AnyCock’ll Do me