Hash Trash #1104
It happened in Colesville. That magic moment when you’re all at circle and some clueless Wanker that was lost on trail finally lopes on in from some random direction. That clueless wanker would be Amber Alert. Ahhhh. Give me a smoke.
Thus, a group of the Lost Lame and Desperate gathered in a seedy park on the outskirts of town. The Hares- Amelia Airhead, BarfBag, and Layover- lost no time in bragging about how awesome their trail was.. And of course BarfBag has this pun affliction. He just can’t stop himself from noticing Pun-tential in nearly anything some hapless wanker might say; then it’s off to the races. Dude has a million of ’em. Im surprised he survived all day Haring with AA and Layover.
Bedraggled denizens rolled in from all over. SloMan came with Scooby Do Me and her couger road trip companion, Slover, infuriating J-5Guys with jealousy but not enough to make her do me out of spite, so keep trying, SloMan.. The aforementioned Lady J burned into the parking lot late, jumping out of her car and yelling to us all that she was here, as if we were all waiting for her. Ok NOW we can Hash. Pro Boner showed. Long time me-no-seer and skilled parasite Bavarian Bush used everyones’ extra poison ivy goo on her extra long limbs and bummed beer; good to have her back. Euro snob Backseat Box collected the cash and gave everybody a worthwhile tip: where to find the best mussels in Brussels. Wanker. Just Betsy ambled in from a long time ago; last time she graced us with her presence Amelia laid trail in her backyard of Cape St Claire. Welcum back even if you were pressed into service by The Airhead. Local criminal FeyLey and now cohort No Child Left Behind got a day off on probation; Our very own Most Supreme Bitch of All Known Space, 3 Trick , brought along a cute young man, perhaps just a tad too young even for her; some visitors, and a bunch of other Wankers also showed up. Slo Man welcummed all but refused introductions; ashamed of us. The plethora of demonstration marks on the pavement meant this would be a confusing mess. As we expected.
So Amber Alert, all proud of his FRB Tote Bag from last week, hoping that it would get him laid, led us all into the woods, a pack of howling wankers, and we crossed the same ratty stream 40 times, either Backseat Box or Amazon running on the opposite side from everyone else no matter what. Some little pavement jaunts. Lots of switchbacks or U-shaped pieces, keeping the pack together. Some wanker commented he walked almost all of it and still stayed with the pack. that is good trail design people. Sure they threw in a ton of gratuittous checks, but thats’ fine. At which we mostly sucked at marking i might add. You swifty types feel free to throw down a stick arrow or two and let us know which way you went so we dont’ have to actually do any work to check things out. Mmmm and a tasty shot check. That stuff was actually good. However there was only one. Hell with a half dozen hares you can do better than THAT can’t you? I mean, it was looong enough.
Somewhere along the line, Amber Alert disappeared. Probably because not enough of you yelled On On incessantly like me, and he got lost. I hope you’re sorry now Amazon.
Now last week the Hare really set the bar regarding varmint parts on trail, but these Hares totally stumbled through that, knocking the bar off and whatever the bar was resting upon for that matter, laying trail astride an entire deer carcass, only the bones left. Well all the bones but no head. So i suspect foul play. Probably the Skull-fu66ing members of the kennel, you know who you are, Jack, and Earl, and possibly Barf Bag.
The beer check was near the awesome carcass, though I bet none of the Hares have the balls to Do It Right, and boil it all, remove the skin, and put the skeleton back together. No, just as I thought. Lazy. Typical Hashers. Upon return a couple visitors were departing; they had not been properly briefed by whatever wanker knucklehead brought them, like what its in the woods and everything? but they looked sketchy enough to return. 3 Trick had also whisked away her young man friend by then, his innocent mind telling him no but his loins betraying him with this woman who seemed like his mom but much hotter. Schmegg once again made it just in time for the circle.
Electric Muff Chuckler relieved SloMo as RA for the circle and lashed out at all the usual losers, like the Hares. AA was serenaded as such, to the tune of The Hair on Her DikiDilo Hung Down To Her Knees, whatever its actually called:
And the chiggers, and the chiggers, the chiggers on her dikidilo spread down to her knees.
one black one, one white one; one with a little shite on, and one with a little light on, to show us the way.
she went with an italian demon, who sprayed her with his semen; chiggers grew on her dikidilo, and spread down to her knees
Disclaimer: She didnt really get chiggers from an Italian’s semen. That part was false.
Our Agent in Alaska, Scooby Do Me drank for something, maybe her moms shoes; and she returned my shiggy stick left at her house. So you can all stop worrying. EMF called up wanker after wanker and they drank; whatever people got violated for who knows. Amber alert showed up to cheers and saved the Hares from getting into a fight about who exactly was going to have to go rescue him, then the last DFL was fired and Amber Alert replaced him. or her. So we love you Amber. Just remember that only Backseat Box runs the trails all backwards and sideways; everyone else is encouraged to follow the flour markings.
Thence to some skeezy buffalo wings bar where some of us mooched food and beer from everyone else and ran out.