Hash Trash #1080
Hares: May’Oral Fixation and Cum'Rade Pissonya
Follow the yellow brick road… or is it follow the surveyors tape? And which color surveyors tape are we to follow? Details, details. The National Flour Shortage Trail, the love child of May’Oral and the lovely Cum’Rade, would surely be an adventure for all.
A vicious back-check got the pack started. Not being the brightest bulbs in the box, we wandered aimlessly before May’Oral took pity and sent us off in the right direction. The pavement could no longer contain us and we found our way into the wooded pleasantries of suburban Arnold. Abandoned cars, hookah pipes, and tires o’plenty were the scenery of the day. Tripping hazards were everywhere with no shortage of hills to fall down but miraculously, there was no blood on trail. How disappointing. Try a little harder next time you wankers!!
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and surely we did travel both. Most of the pack went right but six determined souls followed the OnOn calls to the left. Led stray by actual survey marks (mysteriously also marked in blue tape), we found ourselves in middle-class America, greeted by the confused and scared stares of the locals. Any Cock’ll Do Me quickly beat them into submission, threatening to add them to the list of victims carved on his stick if they didn’t tell of where the rest of the pack went. We decided to head back into the shiggy and along the way we picked our lovely stray virgin, Just ICan’tRememberHerName. Then, like magic, we were back on trail. The gods smiled on the hash this weekend and there was a beer check… WITH BEER! This stuff is wonderful – we should have beer checks more often!! Refreshed by nectar and a lovely view of the golf course, the pack headed off in search of more beer at the finish.
With all the lost souls finally in place, we circled up. Either we were all cold or in a hurry to eat because circle rounded up quickly. Hares were violated and we ritualistically sacrificed our virgins Just Mike and Just ICRHN to the group. Back Seat Box snatched the FRB brick away from Bobbin' but it looks as though JustPat is throwing his name in the hat for a future title shot. Film@11 (clearly weighted down by additional clothing) claimed her rightful place as DFL. Walk My Bitch must be going for a world record in Safety Violations – this time running with hedge trimmers. The lovely Velvet Vulva violated all those rejecting Haberdashery. I’m sure there were other violations but the cold (beer) affects my memory.
The remaining wankers gathered at the already crowded OnAfter and quickly began to provide entertainment (irritation??) to our fellow patrons. Sugar, butter, napkins… you name it, it went airborne. The usual plotting of world domination took place along with almost certainly positive public relations. Just Scott got an early Christmas present from Velvet. Cervix and Slowman were ridiculed by cute blonde civilians for having poor aim. Figuring this could be cured by more beer, we moved what was left of the hash to the bar area and the rest you can all imagine.
OnOn to carb loading on Thursday,