Hash Trash #1072
A novice trail run without 10 miles of railroad tracks. Ahhh.
Didn't even need those cute little kneesocks you all wear, or your poison ivy lotions, or your chigger anititodes to protect you from shiggy or wayward Italian counts.
A hailing dumpbucket of pouring down driving rain greeted the bout 20 hardy imbeciles at the start. And at the finish.
Hunkering under a tree near the outhouse after paying 3 bucks to get into the park and watching the rain batter the display Marks on the pavement before the run, we knew we were f#kd. The blobs of flour depicting checks and marks and backchecks and arrows and that F thing ran like they stole something.
However the marks apparently hung in there on the trail, EXCEPT for the checks, and the numbers under BC. Other than that.
B-AH3: We Put The F U in FUN !
The Hare laid the marks on ample flour and toilet paper, in order to keep the whining down about how crappy his other trails have been. it seems to have worked. Plus of course he laid them just prior to the Hash, not like the Queers that lay them the day before and hope its still there. note for newbies: wow besides being a superb tool for your ass, man that toilet paper works gooood as trail marker. 12 Oct: sign up!
Many false trails were the Very Special Surprise of the Hare. It was also his fervent hope that some of the wankers got plenty of spiders and webs in they faces. The Hare's Spider Mark on trail was just after a massive cross-trail web with a fat ugly spider . Amelia AirHEAD noted the mark stopped everyone, cuz the rain made it obvious it was something but what nobody could tell. but nobody has fessed up on eating the spider. we can only hope.
The mobile beer check proved to be a rousing success. While the
Undeserving Wankers were sipping their brews, it was noted by the untrusting mob that a Man on a Tractor was approaching, so everyone scurried like cockroaches to not get noticed.
Ah but not Noahh. He is too cool. He saunters over with Velvet and STOPS the Tractor Man and explains That We Are Drinking. At the same time, Velvet stops Tractor Man's brain momentarily with that thing she does.
The Hare ran the trail afterward and noted that the checks were nicely marked with sticks for the pack. well done to whomever.
At the circle, the hare was introduced and everyone burst into joyful song spontaneously, to the tune of Old Macdonald:
oh, anycocklldome had us fooled
e i e i o
we handed our asses to him, and he had them tooled
e i e i o
with a backcheck here
and a false trail there
here a check there a check everywhere a check check
oh, anycoklldome had us fooled
e i e i o
ok so that part was untrue. Backseat Box was pronounced FRB at the circle. Two visitors /newcummers from parts down south, active and engaged already. Alriight! please cum back.
Just Mild Mannered Poverty Lawyer Whoever He Used To Be was named: Pro Bonor.
OK I spelled it but assert no authority over its spelling. that is a new thing we can argue about. i used that version because it is the simplest way to make it clever, and simpler is better in cleverness. it looks innocent until you say it.
Later, Pro Boner had this to say: "I used to be smarter be fore I was a Hasher." See? that one is more obvious to guffawing hicks, because its spelling screams the answer at you. but Pro Bonor is sublime.
No, stop, please. I was just born awesome. i can't help it. Its my nature to Give.
Just Comely Political Intern looks to be next in the hopper for namings so prepare to be clever on a moments notice. Look for memorable things she says or does, and not what she looks like. equal opportunity namings.
The Hares lame plan for an On After involved drivng 25 minutes. the Mob erupted. As an alternative, it turned out the One single bar that Cervix and Mother Chalker knew of, Wylies or something, behind a chevy dealer at 4 and 301- was closed for good. can't imagine why. with a location like that even.
so the On after was at a Chinese restaurant next door which speaks for the amount of hot bar action there is around Rosaryville, as well as the desperate incompetence of the Hare. The Swingers among us grumbled that it wasn't up to their elite standards. no bouncers, let all the riff raff in, not enough Beautiful People., that sort of thing. Certainly there was enough Young Man Action for Cougar AirHead, as the Evidence will attest. And the precious toy-sized waitress served me plenty of food and beers, AND she wrote out separate checks for everyone without being asked because she was smart enough to see we were a bunch of cheap losers. Or at least smart enough to get out of the rain.
that's the way it was at BAH3 1072. On On.