Hash Trash #958
Hash House Harriers
From the land of pleasant shiggy
| TRASH: Run #958
August 20, 2006
Hares: Bolohead Rat and Sweet Home Vagina
Fare well sweet home Hash Otherwise known as the Go Home Vagina Hash
When: Sunday, August 20, 2006 at 3:00 p.m. Where: Crownsville, MD, A to A' Why: So you can remind S.H. Vagina how much she's going to miss you wankers! How Much: $5 Hare(s): Bolohead Rat and Sweet Home Vagina
It’s true. I found our Hare and host extra-odinnare BoloHead Rat in the kitchen, chopping onions. I saw through this flimsy excuse for the stream of tears running down his cheeks! Those were not the misty eyes of too many onions. These were tears of a deep, tragic sadness.
For this, this glorious Sunday sunny hot day in the dog days of August Day, Yes, this is the Kissing off of Sweet Vagina day.
If I were a “Cunting” Linguist I might have NoAhhhhh-hummms, how can I express the deep sorrow we felt this day??? I would have been Happy on my Knees, if only I could shout “Nambla!! Our precious Vagina is NOT leaving!” I know that such news would bring Drippi Dick-ies to Just about each and every STevie, Greg and Joe Bob around. Alas, no such prayer of mine was answered.
Instead, we thought about sending Hans Blinx to take Ed the Sock, find some WMD’s and blow up the state of Tennessee. Only the memory of our dear departed Cum on Down, who is hashing in land of Cotton, saved them. For though no one would be cuter as dust than Luv Bug, COD would be out of luck for f+ck, as the song goes.
We thought of asking Electric Muff Chuckler to call for another strike of lightening, maybe a sign from the heavens would deter our Sweetness from going Sour Crotch. I suggested as much, and he gave me a look that pretty well said Shut-the-Fk- Up-u-icehole. Guess one blast from the gods was enough for him!
Maybe EPT could give her a false positive and we could say Sweet Home had to stay for the sake of the Children!!! But the Bitch Fell Off of the pier and with her, the magic prego sticks!
Such evil plans we devised, M’orally Challenged as we were, half minded, crazed with grief and abandonment issues. But the reality, it did dawn, if Slow man, like a bad trip. We would say goodbye to Sweet Home Vagina. Such truth, cut us to the quick, we felt like Fossils of our former selves, Bungling Boards each and every last one.
Fortunately Bolo, Head Rat that he may be, would not let Sweet Vagina be sent off on a river of tears, not when there was Beer to Drink! And Burgers to Eat! And Clams in the River! And Stars in the sky, and swimming…..
He gathered us up, and smacked us to our senses. We are Hashers! We must do what we we always do!! we cried ON ON and ran Harem Scarum into thorns, mud, miles of pavement, acres of deer ticks. Pain to hide the pain, and then lots of Minnie Brews to ease the pain, and then, Circle up you wankers!!
How fitting for the exiting of our favorite Southern Vagina, that we should be led in song by one named for the most nuclear active pussy in history, our own Love Canal. I leave to those who give a sh=t to recall the other violations of the circle, I am here to record for all time the gathering of all her sisters to her side. Yes, Sweet Home Vagina, when one Vagina Drinks, ALL VAGINAS DRINK!! Vagina Whiner, Love Canal, Sour Crotch, Tackle Box, Cunninglinguist, all assembled around you, and they are At Your Cervix! Missing, but not forgotten, the lovely Velvet Vulva, and Klitnicoff, where were you??? Not since the glory days of the Amazon kingdoms of estrogen highs has there been such a tribute to what some have revered as only a bit less dangerous than the Bermuda triangle. If only there had been a hash flash around to take shots of this Pornogenic gathering……
Finally, we were called to give Sweet Home a last rousing round of Swing Low. Called to sing by the visiting Mother Chalker, who though by only by chance encounted us on this day of loss, still he felt our pain. Sing like this, he instructed us, take our fingers and Hold our Tongues. With no Vagina’s to call Home, what good were they to us??? In the cacophony that followed, there was a kind of healing, a dark humor, a bonding.
May you go in peace, our lovely Sweet Home Vagina. and may we all get a piece.
Oh yes, and in case you didn’t know, P.S. I Love You, Your humble scribe de jour, Hosehead