Hash Trash #904
August 7, 2005
Patuxent River State Park, Woodbine, MD – What a delight it was for many hashers new to the area- and those accustomed to the frenetic reality of the I-95 corridor- to (re)discover the beauty of western Maryland: green hills rolling beyond the horizon, cows grazing lazily in the August sunshine, horses galloping majestically through the fields, wankers and bimbos lollygagging in the middle of nowhere waiting to embark on the 904th running of the Baltimore- Annapolis Hash House Harriers. Is there a lovelier way to spend a Sunday afternoon? Methinks not.
The day was gorgeous, the beer was cold, and our hares, Bowser and Bob Coyne, were models hashing excellence. They set a truly “old school” trail: no YBFs, no back checks, no beer checks (bastards!). What they lacked for us in beer, however, they made up for in lush vegetation (otherwise known as shiggy) for both runners and walkers, bless them every one.
As your humble scribe was struggling with her too-stubbornfor-his-and-anybody-else’s-owngood dog, who, 100 yards into the trail, on a rocky downhill slope, kindly refused to walk another step and had to be carried by Sid Vomit and Hot For Teacher (not to mention be ridiculed by Fossil and, implicitly, Dinsdale: “That’s a great hash dog you have there”) and his mother, yours truly, for the majority of the trail, little commentary of on-trail antics will follow in this iteration of Hash Trash. Never fear, dear hashers, Keebler has enjoyed
The trail was first-class. Even more remarkable was the On-After, held at Bob Coyne’s farm. Tho’ engulfed in corn, nary a baseball player or murderous child (only Bowser and Deca) emerged from the field; however, they built this On-After, and we did cum.
We were greeted by the sights and smells of the culinary arts of Just Jim, one of our virgins, as he grilled burgers and hotdogs, while Ranger Dick sliced and diced (tomatoes and) his way into the hearts of all the BAH3 wankers and bimbos.
Needless to say: a good time was had by all, despite the delayed circle (too much good food!) and lengthy violations (too much good fun!) Was there even one among us who was not violated for some indiscretion? Again, methinks not.
Evil Jesus, proudly displaying an answer to the age-old question “WWJD?” (“Jesus would slap the sh*t out of you”) officiated in the absence of our religious advisers Periodic Table Dancer and Diddler on the Roof (are they married YET?!). The ever-lovely yet rarely-seen Hi D. Ho performed her duties admirably as beer bitch, graciously warming the Down-Down beer between her thighs. Ben D. Hogover was cited for allowing his precious puppy Murphy to ingest a bone at the BAH3 900th (dog molestation!); thankfully Murphy has recovered fully and charmed us all with her exuberant kisses and fascination with empty water bottles. And beer. Just Stephanie was violated for arriving to the hash in a new car (“It’s not new, I’ve had it for 2 weeks”);
Singapore Schwing, however, was admonished for running the trail in a polo shirt (which, granted, he had had since he worked at Dairy Queen when he was 16). Klitnikov and Amazon.cum were violated for looking like “runway models” in their miniskirts at the On-After.
Fun Size violated virgin Just Jeff for outing a bimbo by using her first name (for shame!), Joe Bob was chastised for refusing to sing, and barrister Johnnie Cockring was admonished for accusing J.Lo and Angel of autohashing (never!). Extra Creamy Dog Crap brought yet another virgin (“it’s my job!”), Just Debbie (an accomplished whiner), and STFU,YA arrived with a virgin whose name, unfortunately, was never revealed to yours truly. However, when asked if she was his wife, this wise woman exclaimed, “You think I'd marry HIM??? Gee zus he can only dream of getting that lucky!” On On, sistah!
BAH3 was graced with visitors/newcummers/longtime-no-see-ers Yeasty Boy, Uncle Phred, Just Charlie, Family Jewels; Love Canal arrived with the lovely EPT and true blues Peter Puller and PS, I love you consumed their fare share of ice-cold Pilsner Urquell and Optimator (?) as well.
On a bittersweet note, our beloved and faithful Meatless bid us a fond farewell. He assured the distraught wankers that his brother Schlort would be stepping in in his place, and that the transition would be “seamless”- so seamless, in fact, that Schlort might henceforth be known as MeatlessAndShlort …
Hares: Bob Coyne &
Bowser (& Deca)
Amazon.cum & Elsie
Ben D. Hogover & Murphy
Fossil & Dinsdale
Hi D. Ho
Hot For Teacher
Patrol Sock, I Love You
Klitnikov & Keebler
J. Lo & Angel
Extra Creamy Dog Crap
STFU,YA* & virgin
*Shut the fuck up, you asshole.